Writings

You never forget the day you are released from prison.

Every vivid detail, just like some of those memories we have of our childhood but don't know why we remember them. Some details we can never forget.

The day started like every other. There is no happy wake-up, there never is. I would lie on my back with a yoga mat separating me from the cold steel slab which was my bed. Suddenly my eyes would open and I would be awake. You know that moment some mornings after a bad dream when you wake up in extreme fear. It's a terrible fear, but we quickly remember its all a nightmare and we smile at the thought of a new day. In Federal Prison that last part doesn't happen. Actually sometimes I swore because the nightmares were better. That brief moment would pass and I realized with a great sigh, I'm waking up to another day in Lewisburg Federal Prison.

But today was very different. It even smelled different. Like cheese puffs.

It was 5:30 am and I quickly got out of bed following the same routine I had for the last year and a half. While today was my release day, the 179 other inmates in my unit were waking up to their shitty prison life. Most of these people were my friends, family, brothers, and acquaintances. But some of them were my enemies, people I was truly terrified of and some of me. Some days you'd wake up, look around, and your cellie and all of his belongings would be gone. We'd all speculate as to why, but we never asked questions. Any of us could have been next and we all lived with constant anxiety and fear. When society gives people small corners of power they will guard it with fear and intimidation.

As the rest of the inmates slept for another 30 minutes or so, I quietly jumped from my top bunk onto the small locker which represented the only privacy I had. In reality it was false privacy because just a few weeks earlier someone had convinced a guard I was the prison bookie and my locker got shaken down while I sat in solitary. When I got back, everything was stolen.

This day my locker was empty but not due to theft. My lowly possession were long promised to my friends in here. I'm not sure if I would define them as friends, as that implies loyalty. No one is loyal to anyone in prison. You are only loyal to yourself.

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